Posted by: brenbrennan | May 15, 2010

What to Do When A Guy Cheats On You


When I caught a guy cheating on me, the actions that helped me the most were:

1) writing in my journal about it

2) talking to trusted friends who would comfort me and

3) figuring out what was good about ME (I am kind, loving, compassionate).

I wrote down WHY I was a good catch.  There were lots of reasons.

Then I wrote down the tough challenges in my life that I have overcome.

This was an eye-opener for me.  When I saw on paper all that I had accomplished in my life, I was astounded.

It didn’t seem like all that much when the info was in my brain.

When I looked at it and it went on for pages and pages, something clicked on inside of me.

Ever since then, I lean on that knowledge whenever I feel discouraged.

That gave me the confidence I needed, to start feeling that I WAS worth a great deal . . . that I was valuable.

I am worthy simply because I exist (memorize this sentence and repeat it to yourself over and over).

I realized that he was missing out on a great person . . . me!

I set boundaries and told him that if he wanted me, then he would have to take certain steps:

  • stop seeing other women
  • pay attention to me
  • invest time in our relationship

Trust is earned, not an entitlement, so he if he wants you back, he will have to be trustworthy over time (at least a year) in order for you to trust him again.

And remember, if you date a guy after this one, don’t treat him like HE was the one who cheated on you.  In other words, don’t project your feelings on to an innocent person.

Deal with your feelings about the guy who DID cheat on you.   Get mad.  Feel the pain.  Let yourself cry.  This too shall pass.

You WILL get through it and come out on the other side and stronger person.

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