Posted by: brenbrennan | May 7, 2010

Take Your Time…No Need to Rush


Imagine the satisfaction in choosing the right person!

One of the biggest mistakes people make when dating, is that they rush into a relationship too soon.   A better way to approach dating or courting is to get to know the other person in a relaxed, non-sexual, fact-finding process.  This works really well in a group of people, such as a young adults group at church or when your friends introduce you to their friends.

The way I started doing this in my life was soon after I decided which car I was going to buy. I was about 25 yrs old and ready to upgrade from my Chevy Nova to a Ford Probe, Nissan Maxima, or a Honda Accord.  My budget helped me settle that question and I ended up buying a chocolate-colored 3 yr old Honda Civic in great shape from a man who kept all the maintenance records.

I was methodical in the way I decided on the model.  I needed a car that got good gas mileage, was easy to maintain and did not have a lot of repair problems.  I lived in a metropolitan area and did not have family nearby, so I didn’t have connections with an honest mechanic.

I scoured Consumer Reports to find a car model that best fit my criteria.  I figured out how much I could spend.  Then I looked at the Blue Book values and found the year model of Honda Civic that matched my available  money.   Then I searched the newspaper for MONTHS until I found a car that was in excellent condition, never been in a wreck and matched the Blue Book price.

End result is that I enjoyed a gorgeous car with spotless interior, got the oil changed every 3,000 miles or so and kept it for 15 years!

In the same way, I approached dating.  Well, let me be entirely transparent and say that I went looking for a husband who would be the best match for me and me for him.

I started a list that stated all the qualities I wanted in a husband.

  • upbeat outlook on life
  • paid bills on time
  • spiritual relationship with Jesus
  • enjoyed sports
  • fond of museums, learning and concerts
  • good sense of humor
  • strong conversationalist
  • leader

Then I kept a list of all the qualities I DIDN’T want.

  • unsure of direction to take in life
  • dirty car
  • family of origin in another state
  • roaches in residence
  • keeping pets cooped up in a crate all day
  • passivity
  • emotionally immature
  • unstable work life

The lists were far longer than I have listed above.  If you would like a complete list, feel free to leave a comment and I will send it to you. : )

In a nutshell, this is the kind of man I was ‘shopping for.’  I’m not embarrassed to say that because choosing a spouse is one of THE most important decisions we can make in life.  It greatly affects all other aspects of one’s life.

So, I  decided what type (model) of man I would be comfortable marrying.  Just like I needed a car with good gas mileage, easy maintainance and few repairs.

Then I started looking at myself and saw that I wasn’t exactly prepared to be a wife.  So then I began to work on taking responsibility for my life and my decisions.  I realized that punctuality was a problem.  I made sure that I paid my bills on time.  I tried to keep my apartment and car cleaner. I looked to see if I kept my promises.  I dove into strengthening my relationship with my God.

Then I joined a large young adults group at a church in the area and began attending Bible Studies, dances, service projects, retreats.  I am so thankful to God that I am married to a wonderful man whom I met in that group.  We dated for 10 months and we were engaged for 10 MORE months. We recently celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary.

Many mistakes are made by jumping into a relationship too quickly.  Take your time to really get to know the person, without sexual involvement, and ask as many questions as you can.   You will never be sorry that you waited, took your time, and didn’t rush into a relationship.

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