Posted by: brenbrennan | May 1, 2010

Protect Your Heart


It is so easy to go way too fast in a relationship.  We live in a culture presently, that shouts the message, “Go for it!  Why wait?  Do whatever you want.”  Well, you CAN do what you want  for the most part.  We make our choices.   However, we also live with those consequences.

For many years, after college and while I was a single woman, working in Big D, I had no concept of taking it slow with romantic relationships.  Why take it slow?, I thought.   I want to be in LOVE! So I pursued that with all my might as I found an attractive man.   I dated a guy, I’ll call him JHabitaton (not his real name), I met doing volunteer work with Habitat for Humanity.  We dated for a few months and I fell hard for him.   He eventually admitted that he still pined away for his old girlfriend in another state.  I was crushed when he moved back there.

I cried a whole lot and had a very difficult time letting him go.   The problem was that I opened my heart, and never considered the fact that it might not work out.  I was caught up in the exhilarating feelings that come with infatuation.  I just kept hoping and hoping.  I trusted him before I even knew him.  I just didn’t understand that guys approach dating differently than girls.

The way I see it now is that girls want to fall in love and get married ASAP.  That is a big generalization, but when I boil it all down, that’s what seems to matter to females.  It is as though we think we are Cinderella and that someday, our prince will come and sweep us off our feet.  No one thinks, “Hmmm.  I might get hurt in the end, so I better take this slow and protect my heart.”

Girls and women are gullible.  That it why they give away their virginity.  I thought that no guy would hurt me.   I rushed head long into whatever relationship was before me.  If I liked him and he liked me, then it WAS ON, baby!  Yeah!  I never realized that most guys aren’t ready for marriage until they are thirty.  OK, maybe a few men are TRULY interested in settling down around age 28.

Ladies, please hear me…before that (ages 13 – 28), their bodies are driven to want to have sex with any woman that will allow it.  They aren’t thinking, “I’m stealing this girls virginity. I’m going to push this girl to have sex with me or at least go as far as I can with her.”  They are not thinking with their brain!!,  especially when those hormones are all stirred up.

Many of them told me sweet and wonderful words that I BELIEVED!  After all, why would they lie to me?  I didn’t lie to them.  I was a trusting individual, too trusting.  Silly girl.  I gave away your heart.  And I paid dearly for it in sorrow, tears, confusion, heartache, questions.

When I was in high school, my dad told me, “All guys want is between your legs.”  I said, “Daddy, gross!  That’s not true!”  About my boyfriend at the time, I thought, “No he doesn’t.  He REALLY likes me! He pays a lot of attention to me.”

As the years went by, I realized my dad was right.  The problem was that I interpreted that comment from him to mean that I was not worthy of any guy truly loving me.  My dad, being a guy, knew that boys were immature because of their age.  They weren’t capable of unconditional love at 16!

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Responses

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Gay Brennan. Gay Brennan said: Protect Your Heart: http://wp.me/pTH04-3 […]

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  2. I think you are 100% correct about maturity in guys. Guys can not sort out commitment, love, sex, etc until at least the late 20’s, and maybe even later.

    I think it’s entirely possible that this Jon guy cared for you a great deal, and thought you were an amazing person. Life and relationships are messy, though, and he may have been working through his feelings for the old girlfriend when you popped into his life. You may have been like a breath of fresh air in an otherwise sad period in his life. He probably never meant to hurt you.

    If he was still in his early 20’s when this happened, the mix-up of love, physical desire, and overall not-readiness probably can be summed up by the immaturity you mentioned.

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    • JM – Thank you for your kind comment. I had never thought about the past relationship with that perspective. It definitely gives me some new ideas to ponder and your words have ushered in some healing. It is SO true that relationships and life are messy and don’t always make sense. I truly appreciate that you took the time to comment on my first blog post.

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  3. Hello gaybrennan,

    It’s mailxpress from Hubpages. I enjoyed reading your blog. I understand the time and patience involved when writing content. Your topic is interesting and offers good advice. You do very good work and people should follow your lead. Excellent and job well done. You are an experienced webmaster that will flourish into specialist soon enough.

    Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. I’m so happy to hear you enjoyed it and hopefully it made sense to you. I will be updating it soon. We webmasters always add and edit content because it’s just par for the course.

    Have a great day and look forward to watching you grow. Bye for now.

    Michelle

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